antsy

oooh, i'm so antsy!
i've been working here at Washington Mutual for 3 weeks now, and i can not figure out for the life of me how i ended up here! who thought i'd be sitting at a desk staring at a computer for a living? not i, thats for sure. i can't get over how life changes and how totally unexpected our lives can actually be. if it were up to me i'd be out working at some far away camp, or living on a farm raising chickens for a living. i'd be sitting on my backporch staring out at the endless fields of wheat, or driving a beatup pick up to the lake on the weekends. but its not up to me and thats what kills me.

i know that i'm exactly where God wants me. I've got responsibilities and i know that its in God's will for me to honor those responsibilites and right now the only way i can do that is here. But i do have this longing feeling for space, for nature, for adventure that i just can't have here in the suburbs. the Lord put this in my heart, its a part of who He made me and I know that he can fufill that longing. Its just hard to know how he can fill that here in the city, and if I will ever get to live out in the open space that my heart so longs for